On Thursday, I visited Becky* and her family, who live a couple hours’ drive outside of Minneapolis, on a communal farm. Hers and four other families live in a “fellowship,” where they live simply, share what they have, homeschool their kids, and spend a lot of time in worship.

Becky – who now goes by her given name, Rebekah – has two children. Malachi, nicknamed Chi, is twelve and little Calla is six. (Becky’s husband Greg wasn’t home so I didn’t get a chance to meet him.) The kids are beautiful, polite, sweet. They told me about their lives, and their love of the fellowship’s animals: horses, chickens, and sheep, among others.

Soon after arriving at Becky’s house, we meandered to the kitchen to prepare lunch. Becky makes many meals from scratch, both giving to and taking from the fellowship’s communal cupboard. For lunch, she used ingredients from bulk containers – a gallon of honey, a quart of mustard – to make dressing for our chicken salad. (The chickens had been raised by the fellowship last year.) Our dessert, fruit with yogurt sauce, included homemade yogurt from another fellowship member.

After lunch, we moved to the living room and continued our conversation. Becky showed off her family’s new television, a 19″ tube television connected to a VCR. Videotapes sat in a cupboard – Daniel Boone, Old Yeller, My Friend Flicka, and other staples of a bygone era. I learned that twelve-year-old Chi has already become enamored with the TV, wanting to watch it more often than his parents find appropriate.

I didn’t see much of Chi – he was outside in the barn for most of the afternoon. Beautiful Calla stayed in the house with us, often carrying one of the family’s two-week-old kittens. She talked of her favorite TV show, Daniel Boone, and showed off her homemade rifle, made from a long tree branch, with a bit of hardware fashioned into a trigger and scope.

Throughout the day, Becky talked of her lifestyle. She loves that her kids have “a wholesome life.” She learned to cook (”something I’m not very good at,” she said) from other ladies in the fellowship. She teaches her children, occasionally expressing doubt about her own abilities as a teacher. And she apologetically talked of her longtime friends’ assessment of her lifestyle as being like Little House on the Prairie.

Of course, the elements of this life are so different than my family’s. My kids are techies; each has an ipod (including the four-year-old) and they all love video games. On busy nights, they heat up Easy Mac for dinner — in a microwave that I’m sure would seem quite foreign to Calla. They participate in school activities and sports. They ride city buses.

What may seem odd is that, to me at least, Becky’s life and mine didn’t feel all that different. We agree on the virtues of a simple life. For her, this is an everyday experience; for me, this is cabin life. Our families are both strong in our faith. The expressions of our faith are very different, but our desire to serve God is the same.

Still, there is a part of me that worries about Becky. She has grown quieter, more subdued than she was years ago — probably more notable to me, as I’ve grown louder and bolder with time. Her laugh is a mere chuckle. Her smile is shy. And her voice is soft.

I pray that she has not given up a part of herself as she strives to be a good wife and mother. I pray that her passing comment about her less-than-perfect marriage is a reflection of the idiosyncrasies in every marriage and not a mournful regret. I pray that her children will grow up to be strong and ready to experience the larger world, full of bureaucracies, health insurance, taxes and YouTube.

And most of all, I pray that the last 20 years of life have given her fulfillment and joy. Because while I understand the appeal of living in a bygone era, I hope that she has received as much as she has given.

* Not their real names. I didn’t ask permission to write about them.

As in, am I sure that I’m ready to depart from the company where I’ve worked for so long? Am I sure that I want to take this big a risk? Am I sure that I’m ready to leave behind the career that I’ve built here?

More than ever, I am sure.

In the past few weeks, I’ve spent a lot of time connecting with dear friends, old and new. The conversations often start with that familiar “are you sure” discussion, and, somewhere in the middle, they fundamentally change. The concerned looks change to excitement. The worried questions change to congratulations. And the conversations end with the same, somewhat surprised, comment: “You look really happy.”

Then, this week I attended an event downtown, a presentation in the series “Conversations about the Future of Advertising.” I met amazing people there. I learned a lot. And – surprise – I talked a lot too. All the random thoughts about where I want to take my career came together as I talked with others.

For me, the conversations were enlightening, energizing, and a whole bunch of other e-words that befit a dialogue about social media and online advertising. I absolutely couldn’t get enough of it — both the possibilities and the challenges that lie ahead in this space.

I left knowing, without a doubt, that this is my future. This is where I belong. This is where I will forge my own future.

You’ll hear more from me soon, as I assemble my thoughts into a coherent strategy.

Until then, just know that I’m content. Excited even.

And yes, I am sure.

For many people, I’m guessing this wouldn’t be a very big deal. For me, on the other hand, it was a pretty significant lifestyle change. A good experiment for me.

Now I’m back, so can share what I did and why.

Recently I left Best Buy after spending 18 years there. It’s been quite a ride this past year, as I struggled to figure out whether my personal career goals would align with the company’s direction. Now I know, for certain, that I will follow my dreams elsewhere.

Before I knew for sure whether I’d return to Best Buy, I wanted to take some time “off.” That is, without the regular Best Buy updates that I receive, and treasure, from my online community of friends. And without the self-imposed pressure to provide everyone with the latest updates from me.

You see, up until this month, my personal identity has been intermingled with the identity of the company. My work at Best Buy said a lot about me – that I am dedicated to my career. That I’m extroverted. Into technology. Kinda geeky. Energetic.

This provided a great introduction as I met new people — by saying I worked at Best Buy, I had an immediate conversation starter. The conversation itself varied. Sometimes, it was a discussion about our latest stock performance or company announcement. Other times, it was a story about a recent experience at a store, whether positive or negative. And – in Minnesota at least – it sometimes prompted a discussion about development along I-494, where Best Buy’s huge corporate campus looms large.

Even with old friends, these same conversations are common. Hugs are often followed by discussions about the latest buzz at Best Buy. Or maybe the latest gadget. Or my latest job responsibilities.

So now, I spent a bit of time figuring out what exactly I will say going forward. I’m still passionate about my career, love people, into tech, and have a ton of energy. But now I can’t encapsulate that into two words.My instant conversation starter won’t be there.

During my time “off,” I spent time with family and friends. I met new people and caught up with old friends. I read books. I cleaned the basement (or started to, anyway). I returned to some of my great loves: workouts, baking, and even a bit of oil painting.

And I missed all of you.

I haven’t really figured out my new conversation starters yet. I don’t yet have my business plan figured out for the next phase of my career. And my basement still needs work.

But, I’m inviting you back into sharing my journey. I took the time I needed to look inside. So now I’m back. Ready for new beginnings.

For those of you who read my blog regularly, you know that I’m in the process of interviewing for a new role, where I could potentially do the work I love at the company I love. This decision is due within a week or so. In the meantime, time marches on and, as of today, my previous role is no more.

So, my files are clean, my desk is empty, and my goodbyes are in progress. I do all this, knowing that my future here is still a “maybe,” these goodbyes may not be for long, and I may come back to work here in a matter of weeks.

I predicted that today would be surreal. That I’d have mixed emotions and feel a ton of uncertainty around what to tell all those who are asking about my future.

At least, those were my predictions last week. Then I experienced the last 72 hours.

On Saturday, I went to Fargo to help a friend’s grandmother move into an apartment, so she can be near family as she undergoes cancer treatment. We moved and unpacked boxes that contained memories of the last 25 years of her life. Life in another state. Life with her husand. And life after him.

Then yesterday I stayed in Fargo, helping to make 500,000 sandbags to keep the highest river level on record from devastating even more of the Red River Valley community.  I heard stories from the residents, watched military missions carried out, and even personally rode through some less-than-safe areas where water flowed freely over the roads.

Having arrived back home safely, I spent a few hours this morning working from my house, tying up loose ends for work. Until I started to smell smoke in the air. Outside, I found that our whole neighborhood smells like a bonfire and limited visibility makes the air look a duststorm. A nearby condo building is on fire and crews have worked for hours to put out the blaze.

Now, as I look to all this week’s uncertainty surrounding my future, I can’t help but think differently than I did last week. After all, my health is solid. My house is intact. My family is safe. My friends provide me unending support. And the next chapter of my career is about to begin. If that chapter is not at Best Buy, then I have a severance package that will make the transition less stressful. I could even – maybe – have a job at Best Buy after all.

Given all I’ve seen, this “maybe” is not so bad.

My, a lot can happen in a week.

Since then, one more Best Buy role that fits my passion has opened up, and I’m in the process of interviewing for it. So, it is still possible that I could stay at the company I love and pursue my dream at the same time.

In the meantime, I’m continuing to wrap up loose ends from my previous role and make sure that the work doesn’t slow down as it transitions to other owners. I still have passion around growing Best Buy by better serving women’s needs. Much progress has been made and I’ll do everything I can to assure it continues.

Also this past week, I’ve been incredibly touched by the outpouring of support I’ve received from all of you. Your thoughts and prayers mean so much. I have never felt so cared for, and am so thankful that you are part of my life. Thank you.

All this has left me trying to figure out what exactly to do with myself in this interim. Previous work responsibilities are wrapping up. New ones will be determined soon. And I am in the middle, trying to figure out how to best spend my time, and knowing that I do my best work when I remain busy.

The answer? I’m giving to my community.

I’ve been on a bit of a volunteering binge. Earlier this week, I helped pack food for the hungry. I’m helping out at church. I’ve signed up for some non-profit leadership opportunities. I’m working to finish up the website we created during this month’s web challenge. And, this weekend I’m headed to Fargo to assist with flood preparations, as the Red River is expected to crest – at a record level – on Saturday.

This is my way of giving back to those who have shown me such care. Of taking my nervous energy and directing it to do good. Of making things happen in a larger world, at a time when my own destiny is uncertain.

While I’m not sure where my personal path will lead, It feels good to know that I can make a difference. That my life is more than my career. That someone else’s life may be better because I took this time for them.

I’ve seen that a lot can happen in a week. I’ve seen this In my life.  And I can make this happen in my world.

Looking around here, you think
“Sure, she’s got everything”
I’ve got gadgets and gizmos a-plenty
I’ve got whozits and whatzits galore
You want thingamabobs?
I’ve got twenty!
But who cares?
No big deal
I want more…
When’s it my turn?
Wouldn’t I love, love to explore that world…
Wish I could be
Part of that world

You see, I’ve been yearning for a new career path for years. I’ve been networking, building relationships, showcasing what I can do, and opting in to projects that are related to the work I want to do. All the while, I’ve done great work for Best Buy in many areas of the organization where they have needed me. But the nagging feeling has remained: I want to be part of “that” world.

So, when the voluntary severance (”buyout”) plan was announced, I did consider taking it. For a minute. But, in addition to my desire to work in a new field, I love Best Buy – who we are, what we stand for, and what we bring to the world.

And so, I hoped that I could have both: a career in the field I love, working at a company I love.

With this in mind, I took a pretty big risk. I told my leaders that I wanted a new career, that they should build my current team’s organizational structure without me. Meanwhile, I would go all-out for the career I dreamed about at Best Buy, choosing not to apply for just any job, and only focus on the area that fits my passion. I put my heart into combining my personal ambition with an opportunity at Best Buy.

Yesterday afternoon I learned that this was not meant to be. So now I am choosing to go after my career, and with a heavy heart, leave behind the company where I grew up. <Be sure to read this update>

I feel that this is how it had to happen. That I would never have considered leaving this company without some watershed moment, some cataclysmic event.  That some force as strong as my desire to stay would move me to leave.

There are indeed Best Buy positions for which I am qualified, and certainly would ensure my continued employment. But then I would be left with that nagging feeling that I want more.

So, I am going after a career that has been calling to me for years. It will be exhilarating, new, incredible. It will also be hard, and I will struggle along the way. But I have drive. I have passion.

And I have you, my amazing network, behind me. I could never do this without your love and support, in the past and in the future.

Now is the time, I am going to be part of that world.

On Thursday I received my severance letter from Best Buy, leaving me 30 days to find a new position here or leave the company where I’ve worked for 18 years. Not one of my favorite days.

Unlike some of my 249 friends in the same position, I brought this on myself.  Literally.

Back in December, I was watching and listening intently to all the changes at Best Buy. I spent a lot of time thinking about what would be best for my company and what I wanted in my career. This process led me to two conclusions:

First, my team’s work - along with the rest of Best Buy - must completely change this year.  At a tactical level (among other issues), we have had two director-level positions, which doesn’t make sense in today’s environment. At a strategic level, the work itself must be reinvented. And, while I’ve got ideas on this, I’m not convinced I’m the one to lead this chapter of the team’s future.

Second, I have a dream, a vision, for the next phase of my career. I’ve been laying the groundwork, and it has been coming together. Slowly. For months. Years even. In the meantime, I have done great work that provides huge benefit to the company. And I’ve been congratulating myself for my patience and my ability to drive results for the good of the organization.

Now, I have an overwhelming sense that this is the time. That the stars have aligned. That I have much to offer to Best Buy, in a role that can fulfill me.  That can benefit the company while taking my career in a new direction. 

I told all this to my leadership. And, that they should plan a new team organization without me. So that I can follow my dream.

Right now, my dream involves building a better Best Buy. I have so much to offer this company. I continue to believe that my work here is not yet done.  

Meanwhile, my friends who have chosen to follow their dreams have inspired me to be courageous. To go after my passion. So, I’ve taken a pretty big risk – letting go of relative safety and stepping into what I hope will be a new position in a new area at Best Buy.

Of course, there are no guarantees. If my career path doesn’t come together, now, here at Best Buy, then I need to drive toward my dream on my own.

I try to believe that I’m comfortable with this, that I’m at peace with it. Not sure that’s entirely true. It’s scary. The economy is daunting. Not completely sure I’m ready for the challenge.

But,  my dreams remain. Now is the time for me to chase them, wherever that may take me.