As in, am I sure that I’m ready to depart from the company where I’ve worked for so long? Am I sure that I want to take this big a risk? Am I sure that I’m ready to leave behind the career that I’ve built here?

More than ever, I am sure.

In the past few weeks, I’ve spent a lot of time connecting with dear friends, old and new. The conversations often start with that familiar “are you sure” discussion, and, somewhere in the middle, they fundamentally change. The concerned looks change to excitement. The worried questions change to congratulations. And the conversations end with the same, somewhat surprised, comment: “You look really happy.”

Then, this week I attended an event downtown, a presentation in the series “Conversations about the Future of Advertising.” I met amazing people there. I learned a lot. And – surprise – I talked a lot too. All the random thoughts about where I want to take my career came together as I talked with others.

For me, the conversations were enlightening, energizing, and a whole bunch of other e-words that befit a dialogue about social media and online advertising. I absolutely couldn’t get enough of it — both the possibilities and the challenges that lie ahead in this space.

I left knowing, without a doubt, that this is my future. This is where I belong. This is where I will forge my own future.

You’ll hear more from me soon, as I assemble my thoughts into a coherent strategy.

Until then, just know that I’m content. Excited even.

And yes, I am sure.

For many people, I’m guessing this wouldn’t be a very big deal. For me, on the other hand, it was a pretty significant lifestyle change. A good experiment for me.

Now I’m back, so can share what I did and why.

Recently I left Best Buy after spending 18 years there. It’s been quite a ride this past year, as I struggled to figure out whether my personal career goals would align with the company’s direction. Now I know, for certain, that I will follow my dreams elsewhere.

Before I knew for sure whether I’d return to Best Buy, I wanted to take some time “off.” That is, without the regular Best Buy updates that I receive, and treasure, from my online community of friends. And without the self-imposed pressure to provide everyone with the latest updates from me.

You see, up until this month, my personal identity has been intermingled with the identity of the company. My work at Best Buy said a lot about me – that I am dedicated to my career. That I’m extroverted. Into technology. Kinda geeky. Energetic.

This provided a great introduction as I met new people — by saying I worked at Best Buy, I had an immediate conversation starter. The conversation itself varied. Sometimes, it was a discussion about our latest stock performance or company announcement. Other times, it was a story about a recent experience at a store, whether positive or negative. And – in Minnesota at least – it sometimes prompted a discussion about development along I-494, where Best Buy’s huge corporate campus looms large.

Even with old friends, these same conversations are common. Hugs are often followed by discussions about the latest buzz at Best Buy. Or maybe the latest gadget. Or my latest job responsibilities.

So now, I spent a bit of time figuring out what exactly I will say going forward. I’m still passionate about my career, love people, into tech, and have a ton of energy. But now I can’t encapsulate that into two words.My instant conversation starter won’t be there.

During my time “off,” I spent time with family and friends. I met new people and caught up with old friends. I read books. I cleaned the basement (or started to, anyway). I returned to some of my great loves: workouts, baking, and even a bit of oil painting.

And I missed all of you.

I haven’t really figured out my new conversation starters yet. I don’t yet have my business plan figured out for the next phase of my career. And my basement still needs work.

But, I’m inviting you back into sharing my journey. I took the time I needed to look inside. So now I’m back. Ready for new beginnings.

For those of you who read my blog regularly, you know that I’m in the process of interviewing for a new role, where I could potentially do the work I love at the company I love. This decision is due within a week or so. In the meantime, time marches on and, as of today, my previous role is no more.

So, my files are clean, my desk is empty, and my goodbyes are in progress. I do all this, knowing that my future here is still a “maybe,” these goodbyes may not be for long, and I may come back to work here in a matter of weeks.

I predicted that today would be surreal. That I’d have mixed emotions and feel a ton of uncertainty around what to tell all those who are asking about my future.

At least, those were my predictions last week. Then I experienced the last 72 hours.

On Saturday, I went to Fargo to help a friend’s grandmother move into an apartment, so she can be near family as she undergoes cancer treatment. We moved and unpacked boxes that contained memories of the last 25 years of her life. Life in another state. Life with her husand. And life after him.

Then yesterday I stayed in Fargo, helping to make 500,000 sandbags to keep the highest river level on record from devastating even more of the Red River Valley community.  I heard stories from the residents, watched military missions carried out, and even personally rode through some less-than-safe areas where water flowed freely over the roads.

Having arrived back home safely, I spent a few hours this morning working from my house, tying up loose ends for work. Until I started to smell smoke in the air. Outside, I found that our whole neighborhood smells like a bonfire and limited visibility makes the air look a duststorm. A nearby condo building is on fire and crews have worked for hours to put out the blaze.

Now, as I look to all this week’s uncertainty surrounding my future, I can’t help but think differently than I did last week. After all, my health is solid. My house is intact. My family is safe. My friends provide me unending support. And the next chapter of my career is about to begin. If that chapter is not at Best Buy, then I have a severance package that will make the transition less stressful. I could even – maybe – have a job at Best Buy after all.

Given all I’ve seen, this “maybe” is not so bad.

My, a lot can happen in a week.

Since then, one more Best Buy role that fits my passion has opened up, and I’m in the process of interviewing for it. So, it is still possible that I could stay at the company I love and pursue my dream at the same time.

In the meantime, I’m continuing to wrap up loose ends from my previous role and make sure that the work doesn’t slow down as it transitions to other owners. I still have passion around growing Best Buy by better serving women’s needs. Much progress has been made and I’ll do everything I can to assure it continues.

Also this past week, I’ve been incredibly touched by the outpouring of support I’ve received from all of you. Your thoughts and prayers mean so much. I have never felt so cared for, and am so thankful that you are part of my life. Thank you.

All this has left me trying to figure out what exactly to do with myself in this interim. Previous work responsibilities are wrapping up. New ones will be determined soon. And I am in the middle, trying to figure out how to best spend my time, and knowing that I do my best work when I remain busy.

The answer? I’m giving to my community.

I’ve been on a bit of a volunteering binge. Earlier this week, I helped pack food for the hungry. I’m helping out at church. I’ve signed up for some non-profit leadership opportunities. I’m working to finish up the website we created during this month’s web challenge. And, this weekend I’m headed to Fargo to assist with flood preparations, as the Red River is expected to crest – at a record level – on Saturday.

This is my way of giving back to those who have shown me such care. Of taking my nervous energy and directing it to do good. Of making things happen in a larger world, at a time when my own destiny is uncertain.

While I’m not sure where my personal path will lead, It feels good to know that I can make a difference. That my life is more than my career. That someone else’s life may be better because I took this time for them.

I’ve seen that a lot can happen in a week. I’ve seen this In my life.  And I can make this happen in my world.

Looking around here, you think
“Sure, she’s got everything”
I’ve got gadgets and gizmos a-plenty
I’ve got whozits and whatzits galore
You want thingamabobs?
I’ve got twenty!
But who cares?
No big deal
I want more…
When’s it my turn?
Wouldn’t I love, love to explore that world…
Wish I could be
Part of that world

You see, I’ve been yearning for a new career path for years. I’ve been networking, building relationships, showcasing what I can do, and opting in to projects that are related to the work I want to do. All the while, I’ve done great work for Best Buy in many areas of the organization where they have needed me. But the nagging feeling has remained: I want to be part of “that” world.

So, when the voluntary severance (”buyout”) plan was announced, I did consider taking it. For a minute. But, in addition to my desire to work in a new field, I love Best Buy – who we are, what we stand for, and what we bring to the world.

And so, I hoped that I could have both: a career in the field I love, working at a company I love.

With this in mind, I took a pretty big risk. I told my leaders that I wanted a new career, that they should build my current team’s organizational structure without me. Meanwhile, I would go all-out for the career I dreamed about at Best Buy, choosing not to apply for just any job, and only focus on the area that fits my passion. I put my heart into combining my personal ambition with an opportunity at Best Buy.

Yesterday afternoon I learned that this was not meant to be. So now I am choosing to go after my career, and with a heavy heart, leave behind the company where I grew up. <Be sure to read this update>

I feel that this is how it had to happen. That I would never have considered leaving this company without some watershed moment, some cataclysmic event.  That some force as strong as my desire to stay would move me to leave.

There are indeed Best Buy positions for which I am qualified, and certainly would ensure my continued employment. But then I would be left with that nagging feeling that I want more.

So, I am going after a career that has been calling to me for years. It will be exhilarating, new, incredible. It will also be hard, and I will struggle along the way. But I have drive. I have passion.

And I have you, my amazing network, behind me. I could never do this without your love and support, in the past and in the future.

Now is the time, I am going to be part of that world.

On Thursday I received my severance letter from Best Buy, leaving me 30 days to find a new position here or leave the company where I’ve worked for 18 years. Not one of my favorite days.

Unlike some of my 249 friends in the same position, I brought this on myself.  Literally.

Back in December, I was watching and listening intently to all the changes at Best Buy. I spent a lot of time thinking about what would be best for my company and what I wanted in my career. This process led me to two conclusions:

First, my team’s work - along with the rest of Best Buy - must completely change this year.  At a tactical level (among other issues), we have had two director-level positions, which doesn’t make sense in today’s environment. At a strategic level, the work itself must be reinvented. And, while I’ve got ideas on this, I’m not convinced I’m the one to lead this chapter of the team’s future.

Second, I have a dream, a vision, for the next phase of my career. I’ve been laying the groundwork, and it has been coming together. Slowly. For months. Years even. In the meantime, I have done great work that provides huge benefit to the company. And I’ve been congratulating myself for my patience and my ability to drive results for the good of the organization.

Now, I have an overwhelming sense that this is the time. That the stars have aligned. That I have much to offer to Best Buy, in a role that can fulfill me.  That can benefit the company while taking my career in a new direction. 

I told all this to my leadership. And, that they should plan a new team organization without me. So that I can follow my dream.

Right now, my dream involves building a better Best Buy. I have so much to offer this company. I continue to believe that my work here is not yet done.  

Meanwhile, my friends who have chosen to follow their dreams have inspired me to be courageous. To go after my passion. So, I’ve taken a pretty big risk – letting go of relative safety and stepping into what I hope will be a new position in a new area at Best Buy.

Of course, there are no guarantees. If my career path doesn’t come together, now, here at Best Buy, then I need to drive toward my dream on my own.

I try to believe that I’m comfortable with this, that I’m at peace with it. Not sure that’s entirely true. It’s scary. The economy is daunting. Not completely sure I’m ready for the challenge.

But,  my dreams remain. Now is the time for me to chase them, wherever that may take me.

We are, indeed, working in an unprecedented environment. Just over a week from now will the last day of work for about 500 of my co-workers, those who chose to opt into Best Buy’s voluntary severance package. Soon thereafter, we will learn how involuntary layoffs will impact our workforce.

So, in every hallway conversation, every meeting, every casual greeting, we hear a common refrain: Are you staying? And an even more common response, I hope so!

At the same time, we are beginning the last month of our fiscal year. Crunching data for year’s end.  Finishing projects. Prioritizing new work. Buttoning up plans for a new fiscal year that will undoubtedly be like no other in our history.

And of course, the day-to-day business rolls on. Weekly ads. New initiatives. Product lines. System upgrades. Contracts. All the things that need to happen every day to run a $40 billion retailer.

This leaves just about everyone feeling rather, well, weird.  We are all trying to get work done, trying to make a difference, plan for the future. At the same time, we wonder what the future here will look like. How we’ll accomplish all our goals. And to whom we’ll say farewell along the way.

Through all this angst, I hold onto two truths. First, that our company values have - and will continue to – guide us through this time. And second, that we work in an environment where we can talk, openly and honestly, about this time and how we’re dealing with it.

Because it is weird.  We’re transforming ourselves into a startup company with 40 years of history. If it weren’t weird, we’d probably be on the wrong track.

During the 1990s. Circuit was a national player — the bohemoth with whom Best Buy was striving to compete. At that time, we (at Best Buy) were only a regional player, entering new markets one at a time and slowly overcoming mid-size foes like Highland, Fretter, and Silo. At the time, CIrcuit City was big time, a grownup - we, the adolesecents, only hoped to one day be as big.

For me personally, a large part of my mid-90s job responsibility was managing Best Buy’s competitive shopping teams. Like all electronics retailers, we had – and still have – a team of employees whose full-time job  was to shop the competition and adjust our pricing to meet or beat our competitors. Working this team, my coworkers and I displayed instantaneous response times and a fierce loyalty to Best Buy, mixed with a fair amount of covert behaviors and, in retrospect, a pretty unhealthy level of competitive spirit.

So, I admit, I’ve shopped Circuit stores quite a bit, mostly while reciting their posted prices into a hidden microrecorder. I’ve listened to their sales pitches, to determine how far they’d cut a price to make the sale. I’ve taken photos of their displays. I’ve reverse-engineered their sales strategies. And, I’ve told my fair share of Circuit City jokes.

In recent years, though, Circuit has just become… well… sad. Their strategy slowly turned into cloning Best Buy. Their store employee uniforms, operating model, pay structure, and marketing strategy all became eerily similar to ours. At one point, they even went on an all-out mission to hire away our employees.

Looking back, I notice that I had hoped that Circuit would transform themselves into a formidable opponent. I liked the competition. The head-to-head battle royale. The simplicity of the rivalry.

In a few select offerings – like their online channel – Circuit City did some cool stuff. But mostly, their uniqueness just degraded, and their brand became indistinct in the market. Their demise was just a matter of time.

So, now my heart goes out to all the Circuit City employees who tried to resurrect their company. To all the people who will now look for work in this tough environment. And to all the former Best Buy employees who tried to help reinvent Circuit. Many friends are impacted by this, and I pray that they find success for themselves and their families.

And, I mourn the loss of a rivalry that, in the consumer electronics space at least, felt like the cola wars.

At the same time, my mind turns to the future of consumer electronics. CE has long been a cutthroat environment, with many technologies, suppliers and retailers competing for attention. Like so many industries, the retail landscape has moved from local to national players. From brick-and-mortar to online. And from specialty to mass merchandisers.  

The game has changed before, it’s transforming now, and it’s sure to keep changing in the future.

Still, this feels like a watershed moment – like shopping for electronics may transform to a completely new game. What that will look like, I’m not sure. Many forces are at work here. Lots of potential directions, the situation even more tenuous in today’s economy. Frankly, it’s a little scary.

But, Best Buy is grown up now. We’ve learned to stay on our toes and keep transforming ourselves.

And, personally, I’m up for it. My response will be to build on what I’ve learned — responding quickly, redoubling my loyalty – and figure out how to win in this new game.

Hopefully I won’t need that old microrecorder.

About two weeks ago, Best Buy announced that it is offering voluntary severance packages to virtually all its corporate employees (including me). Much ado has been made of this, both in the media and here at Best Buy. So before sharing my own opinions, let me clarify a few points:

- Right now, leaving the company is voluntary.  Each individual employee chooses whether this is the right move for him/ her. We all have eyes wide open that this is the first move in what will undoubtedly be a big change, but for the moment, the choice is in our hands.

- Separation plans were offered to about 4000 employees, which is virtually the entire corporate office. This does not mean that 4000 people will be out of a job. As a company, we are reinventing the way we manage the business, and that means streamlining work with fewer positions. However, I am sure this doesn’t mean that the company will run itself next year.

- This move is not taking place to enrich senior executive paychecks. Seriously. No one is enjoying this, it’s not making anyone rich. And that’s all I have to say about that.

Now on to what I had to say in the first place: my own thoughts and opinions…

First,  I am so thankful that through this process, our leadership has remained true to our company values. Values are a big thing to me; perhaps I’ll blog on that topic another time. Some people may feel like company values are just words on paper, but I certainly believe they are real. And that they direct the future of Best Buy.

That said, one of our values is “unleash the power of our people.” We truly do work to enable each individual to do their best – and we believe that their best will benefit the company and themselves.

I see this value being demonstrated right now. The power is in the hands of each of us. We determine our destinies. The word “voluntary” pretty much sums that up.

Second, I feel like this company respects me. They explained the situation to me. They told me about this in person. They told me before any rumors had a chance to start. They gave me a generous opportunity to start a new path in my life. They put the choice in my hands. And they continue to offer me support and resources to help make my decision. So, while a few people have suggested that I should feel hurt or betrayed, I just don’t. I feel honored.

And finally, I’ll say that, more than ever, I love this place. I have spent nearly my entire adult life here. The long hours have been worth it. My hard work has helped fuel the company’s success. And my passion for Best Buy’s future success has not waned. In fact, it has grown stronger. I feel that I have more work to accomplish, more people to help, and more of myself to offer here.

Of course, I am quite aware that my passion and work doesn’t guarantee my future here. In these times, nothing is guaranteed. I completely understand that.

Meanwhile, my mind remains fixed on one thought: My work here is not done yet.

So right now, I will continue to give it all I’ve got. Every day.

(In fact, we have, to a certain extent, institutionalized this effort. In every job description – or at least all the ones I’ve seen – a portion of the job is dedicated to “duties as apparent or assigned.” In large part, this is taken to mean: if you see something that needs to get done, then by all means do it!)

Sometimes the result is small scale – as in, a few employees at one store – and sometimes, it’s a nationwide effort that leverages talent throughout the company. IAmBestBuy and Project Holiday are great examples that showcase these small and large efforts.

Either way, the dilemma is that we don’t have a good way to share all the great stuff that’s happening. Amazing work yields equally amazing results, but most of us – and certainly most of the people that shop with us – just don’t know about it.

This issue has been here for years, and we’ve tried to tackle it in many ways, from huge “Knowledge Management Infrastructure” work to grassroots attempts to just encourage people to tell their stories.

But the issue remains. Incredible stuff is happening all over the place, but it happens in little pockets and never gets to the scale, or the benefits, that should come with being a $40B company. And with over 1000 stores and 150,000 people, it is no wonder that this issue exists.

I really wish I had an answer, one simple solution that would fix this problem. A common idea I’ve heard is to “do less” — that if we have fewer projects going on, then we could all just focus on them and really drive them to success.

This, however, is counter to the very nature of the culture that brought us to this place. If we do less, then someone’s idea isn’t heard. Someone somewhere is told to be quiet and just get with the pre-ordained, fully funded, executive-approved program.

Not only does this sound like a miserable culture, it would just never work at Best Buy. Each of us has a story to tell about something we made happen at work, not because the company told us to, or because it was part of our job description, but because we really cared. And I believe that none of us would give that up, for ourselves or for anyone else. In short, we just value people too much.

That – obviously – is a good thing.

And so, we are left with the dilemma: with all these people doing all this great stuff, how does everyone else find out about it? How do we get the most out of the hard work that each of these people puts forth?

While I don’t have a magic bullet, I would submit that the answer has something to do with social technologies. With sharing. With openness. With networks. With relationships. And yes, with people.

Because the only way we are going to overcome this challenge is through the amazing efforts of the people that created it.