Ginger Sorvari

My four-year-old has a stuffed animal that he carries wherever he goes. Cha-Cha The Monkey is not only for bedtime – he is carried back and forth to preschool daily, dutifully watches us eat every meal, and has seen more than his share of kids’ sporting events.

Not unusual behavior for a preschooler, right?  It would seem pretty standard. Except that his five older siblings really never did this. (Yes, there are six kids in all. More on that another time. Stay with me.)

That’s right: none of the other kids ever carried a toy companion, had an imaginary friend, or created any sort of pseudo-best-friend.

But, those kids had each other. The older five kids’ ages span only seven years, so they always had playmates. As pre-schoolers, they played games together, built forts, performed plays, and were generally inseparable.

When faced with the rare moment that these kids found themselves alone, they panicked. After mere  moments on their own, we heard them say, “there’s NOTHING to do, can I have a play date?”

It was actually troublesome. In fact, during their elementary school years, I worked hard to encourage them to build playing-alone skills: teaching them how to play solitaire, buying single-player games, and arranging times for each child to spend entertaining him/ herself.

Now, there’s this littlest brother, who is seven years younger than his closest sibling. He doesn’t have the constant companionship of peers. He learned early how to entertain himself.

And, just as early in life, he created a best friend, in Cha-Cha The Monkey, to accompany him.

All this has me thinking about what social creatures we all are. This isn’t a revolutionary concept; there are many scientific studies that reinforce this theme.

But, to see our social nature play out in such real ways, every day, confirms for me that I must continue to focus on the right things.

Our lives, our world, and our experiences are meant to be shared. God has created a place where we depend on one another. Where we yearn to share our lives. Where we expect to give and receive. And where, if we foster our relationships, lives will be forever better.

So, I thank you for being part of my life. Your presence here, in my social circle, is appreciated. Your companionship is treasured. Thank you.

I’m embarrassed that I haven’t blogged here in so long – it’s been over two months! Not that I haven’t had ideas to write about; there are seven different half-written drafts on my admin page, on topics ranging from health care reform to the Gunflint Trail. But, none of these posts are complete, and along the way each has become pretty stale (at least in my own mind). So alas, the blog sits dormant.

On the bright side, during this time, grad school has started and my business, Sagefisher, continues to grow. More on those later.

For now, I also wanted to share something that I rarely talk about, and even more rarely write about: My life with lupus.

In case you’re not familiar, lupus is an autoimmune disease – one where the immune system gets, shall we say, a bit confused. Instead of doing its job by fighting off diseases, the immune system in someone with lupus starts attacking various parts of the body, as if they were a disease. For me, my immune system seems to have an obsession with my kidneys, which apparently look rather sinister to my immune system.

This struggle, with my own body, is one I’ve lived with for the last twenty years.

In recent months I’ve started to talk a lot more about my disease, my journey, and what I can do to help others who live with lupus. In fact, I’m now on the board of the Lupus Foundation of Minnesota, and for the first time in twenty years, I’ve written my story for their most recent newsletter.

What does all this mean to me? First, I feel like I’m being more open, more transparent about who I am. That’s a great feeling, especially since a big part of my business is to tout the benefits of transparency. Also, I’m thrilled to be taking steps to help other people (especially women, who are impacted by lupus nine times more often than men).

Most importantly, though, I feel like this is major progress toward a personal goal of mine: to integrate all the parts of my world into one cohesive life. Long ago, I kept my world compartmentalized – my work was quite distinct from my family, which I kept separated from my social life and my personal relationship with God. Then about ten years ago, I started thinking about all the interconnectedness of these parts, and actively trying to lead (what I call) One Life.

But, there was one exception. My lupus always seemed too risky. Too personal to share, outside of a very close circle of friends and family. And so, my One Life goal never really felt real to me.

Now, I feel like I’ve taken my first big, risky step toward One Life.

Now it’s real.

Yesterday, a little part of my high school experience died, namely John Hughes.

Like many, I could relate to his stories, his characters. Right now, though, I’ll share just the moment when I felt that John Hughes really knew me personally, understood me. (No, really.)

It was early 1987 and, like every other high school student on the planet, I had seen pretty much every John Hughes movie upon its release. Some Kind of Wonderful was about to arrive in theatres, and I planned to see that one too.

Coming home from school this particular day, I was elated to find a mysterious package addressed to me. Of course, I wasted no time: inside I found a John Hughes marketing kit — posters, buttons, “inside” info, some free music (cassettes? 45s? I can’t recall) and other movie paraphernalia. I pored over my new treasures all that evening.

The enclosed cover letter told me that I had been chosen to receive this kit because (well I don’t know what the letter really said; I was fifteen, so to me, I understood only that) I was the coolest teenager in the whole world, John Hughes knew that, and if I did a really good job making his upcoming movies successful, he’d give me a part in his next movie.

Yeah, pretty sure it was something like that.

As the evening wore on, I began to consider that all my friends probably received the same package, so I shouldn’t get too excited about it. Nevertheless, the next morning I pinned the Some Kind of Wonderful button on my backpack and went to school.

At my locker before the first bell, a friend asked me where I got the button. I, of course, was giddy that she had to ask. That day, I quickly learned that no one I knew had received this promo kit. I was truly destined to be the next Molly Ringwald. (Ok, probably more like Ally Sheedy. And not the made-over one.)

I walked on air for the next several weeks. The poster of Eric Stoltz and Mary Stuart Masterson on my wall was enough to pick me up from my deepest moments of teenage angst. My knowledge of details about a movie that was still filming (She’s Having a Baby) made me smile to myself at odd times during the day. No wonder my classmates thought me so odd.

Still, I did my best for Mr. Hughes, telling as many friends as would listen that these were the greatest movies of our time.

Years later, having seen Some Kind of Wonderful countless times, it remains my favorite John Hughes film. The recording of “This Woman’s Work” (featured in She’s Having a Baby) created in me a lifelong admiration for Kate Bush. If I really think about it, perhaps my love of marketing began the day I opened that package.

John Hughes never knocked on my door to offer me that movie role. Until yesterday, a tiny part of me held out hope that he still might.

And so, goodbye Mr. Hughes, with a belated but heartfelt thank you for the gift you sent me 22 years ago.

Today I returned from EAA Airventure in Oshkosh, Wisconsin. For those who aren’t aviation enthusiasts, I’ll just say that EAA is a big deal: each year, a half-million people and ten thousand planes descend upon the town of Oshkosh for a week, to celebrate the history and future of aviation. While in town, this crowd enjoys checking out the showplane competition, engaging in workshops, taking in tradeshows, and watching daily airshows.

I’ve attended the EAA event countless times, having grown up in an aviation family and, more recently, being married to a private pilot. It’s always a fun time, becoming gradually more interesting to me as I’ve learned about it. At the same time, I am not one who, personally, has my heart set on flying. I don’t yearn for the freedom of flight. I don’t have an aching desire to soar above the clouds. So EAA has been fun, but has not been a particular passion of mine.

This year, however, EAA held a few surprises for me, ones that changed my perspective.

During the morning of my first day at the show, I met John, an airplane salesperson. Upon hearing about my background and my interest in helping companies better connect with their female consumer base, he said something that would change the rest of my EAA experience: “The aviation industry needs your help.”

At once, and for the rest of the weekend, I saw the show with new eyes. Everything felt even more familiar to me: the vendors speaking to male customers and virtually ignoring female ones. The testosterone-drenched marketing efforts. The awkward attempts to integrate and appreciate women in this decidedly man’s world.

It all seemed so similar to what I’ve experienced first-hand, working in the electronics industry. All the times in my career when I was the only woman on staff.  When I went out of my way to be “one of the guys.” When I began researching and teaching men about the power of the female consumer.

Everything I saw here had a direct parallel to my life’s experience.

Later that same day, EAA held its daily airshow – featuring an all-female cast of pilots, skydivers, wingwalkers and aerobatic performers – a first in the airshow’s 56-year history. But, the show’s impact was lessened by its bookend male acts, its fumbling commentator, and its patronizing soundtrack (you guessed it: “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”).

The organization was clearly making an effort; they just didn’t know how to do this right. At the end of the day, these amazing women pilots had showcased not their accomplishments, only their novelty. The entire episode felt more like a sideshow than the day’s main event.

In the evening, a “Women in Aviation” panel discussion continued the day’s theme. Female aviators described their passion for flying and told of the experiences that brought them here. As I watched, I saw women doing all they could to fit into a man’s world. When a couple of the panelists commented that they are “not typical women” and that they “can’t cook at all,” I could relate.

For me, it was never a conscious decision, just an instinct: over the years, I had modified my words and actions – slowly becoming one of the guys by drawing a distinction between me and the girls. I highlighted certain aspects of myself (I’m not into scrapbooking) while ignoring other parts (I love baking). To be one of the guys, I learned golf, smoked cigars, and took training to install car stereos. I was busy showing and telling that I could be accepted because I wasn’t a typical girl.

Only recently have I figured out that it’s not me who had to change, it’s the industry around me. That I could do more for the business, and for women, by working for both, instead of choosing one over the other.  That being boldly who I am – both typically feminine and uniquely me – will create positive change in the industry and in society.

In recent years, the electronics industry has started to consider the impact that women have. They’re seeing the opportunity, making gradual changes, and reaping the benefits of creating solutions for the other 51% of the population.

The aviation world is not there. But it’s moving.

I’ve decided to take a more active role, to help coax it in the right direction. My life has given me great insight into worlds like this one. I can help this industry.

And all the women who love to fly.